...and the redheads are nocturnal.

Well, the coolest ones, anyway. And I assure you, I am very cool, due to A) living in a nearly-refrigerated basement suite, and B) only going outside on occasion and at around three AM, when the temperatures have fallen to non-furnace levels.

I have been putting a lot of things off in favor of other, more important things like sleeping and capturing spiders to be released outside and sleeping. Writing up an LJ entry was one of the things I've been putting off. I wanted to write about some dreams I'd been having (which I've mostly forgotten) and do a senior year version of this (which seems somewhat pointless especially considering that I haven't actually written anything in like half a year) and maybe mention a few things about what it is that I am currently doing (which is essentially summed up under "more important things" above).

So now, despite the parentheticals, I am going to do these things!


Like over the past week or two, on and off, I've been playing this country-naming game. Because I have no life, and if I'm going to obsessively memorize something it ought to be geography instead of TVTropes. I've gone from being able to get maybe forty or fifty countries to around a hundred and eighty. The remaining countries are usually all those frikkin' islands east of Australia and one (extremely obvious) non-Oceanic country. In other words, I get Azerbaijan, Sao Tome and Principae, Liechtenstein, et cetera, and then miss Colombia. Or Japan.

The game provides the extremely valuable and educational service of informing its players that Moldova is not a fictional country, and that it is actually located in Europe.

( Also today: This is why I hate Joey. )

( And finally, dreams! )

...Okay, this is more than long enough. Writings later?

GET THIS: I don't have to wait for YouTube to load videos. I just click on the video and it starts playing and keeps playing. No "oh, better put it on pause and wait a few minutes while I go do something else". It actually loads faster than it plays!

THIS IS AMAZING.


...I'd be running over with praises for Firefox, too, but so far the three things I've noticed about it are 1) it has a kickass icon; 2) you can customize the toolbars at the top to be all like colorful dude awesome; 3) it scrolls, for some reason, at one line per arrow-key-tap, so I have to buttonmash furiously to reach previous speeds of websurfing. So the "woo!" and "dammit" are kinda cancelling each other out.

OMGLOL JUST FOUND A BoS FIC.

Packing keeps having these weird, suddenly interesting moments. There are certain layers, strata of papers in these drawers, that haven't been disturbed since probably eighth grade, or freshman year at the latest. I feel like an archaeologist!

I'm in a bit of a hurry since I'm apparently moving tonight; I can but hope I'm not throwing out interesting relics in my haste to reach the good stuff. So I guess the archaeologist I feel like is Heinrich Schliemann.

...OMG STILL LOLING OVER BoS FIC.


EDIT: I feel I should add that I got my last report card the other day, and apparently I managed to pull off a B in Chemistry. I have no idea how--certainly when I spent that week doing nothing but as described in the last entry (i.e. fanfic binging and pseudo-nocturnalism), I was completely resigned to making a C in that class. I feel a bit guilty now, actually. I doubt I deserved a B. Oh well; I totally deserved an A in French last semester, so I guess it evens out.

The C in Calculus was nearer the expected mark.

Here are the things which, upon waking yesterday, I discovered that I could spend the day doing.

1) Work on the English portfolio that's worth 45% of our total grade, including the two book reports for books I haven't read yet and the dozen or so reader's logs for a few that I have.

2) Work on the Science report that's worth 10% of our grade, including picking an actual topic and then doing enough research on it to, oh, say, fill a seven-page (minimum) paper.

3) Stay up until midnight reading Good Omens fic.


...

Yeah.

Today, however, I shall be strong enough to resist temptation, and will contain my fic-binging to the wee hours of the morning, all the better to spend the rest of the day delving into oh fuck me running it's 6:30.

GO TEAM JADE

Okay, y'know what? Disregard the last entry.

Band stuff's over, so I can take off school and sleep in any day I want to; besides that, my grade in Calculus is back up to a C, I just got back from said party I didn't think I was going to be able to attend (I played Halo! (and by "played" I mean "suck at")), and scholarships--well, whatever.

I don't like change, and I'm going to have to move houses, cities, and schools (as in, "to college") in another few months. But on the other hand, I'm not having dissociative episodes anymore. On the other other hand, this is probably because I've gone all, shall we say, cheerfully spacey, and being a ditz is not really funtiems socially or academically. But on the final hand, I think I might be fine with "stupid" as long as I've also got happy and numb. 'Sides, I'm still intelligent.

Plus there's the fact that I'd been thinking, based on something my mother said a month or so ago, that she'd be cancelling AOL a full month before we moved. This has turned out to be false. I will have the internet for my last month of high school. I think I can say with reasonable certainly that I can get through 90% of any shit that has ensued or may ensue in the future, just as long as I still have the internet.

I'm really gonna miss this trailer, though. The shadowy corner of the kitchen where I used to sit on the counter, staring at the glowing monitor in the living room and waiting for people to post at BoS! The hills that inspired The Novel! The spot on my bedroom ceiling I'd stare at on those can't-work-up-the-will-to-turn-off-the-bedside-lamp-and-sleep-for-some-reason-so-I-may-as-well-just-talk-to-myself-for-the-next-half-hour late nights! The hallway where I had several nervous--okay, not so much the hallway. Aside from its breakdown-inducing properties, which are probably more like "a narrow space! safety! you may collapse now" than anything, the hallway kind of freaks me out. During BoS-posting and The Novel-writing late nights I'd go to the kitchen to get something or just to lean on the counter and ponder, and I'd think I'd see something in the hallway out of the corner of my eye, but there's never anything there. And we used to keep the door to the spare room (in the middle of said hallway) closed, so when going to my room at the end of the hallway, late at night, I'd always feel vaguely like something might throw the door open and attack me. Didn't help when the hall light mysteriously stopped working*. (Now we keep the cat litter in the spare room, which rather killed the effect.)

*Most likely due to mysteeeerious bad wiring.

Hallways don't usually have a tendency to spook me, which is probably why I was sort of disappointed with House of Leaves.

I... don't actually go to update this journal with the intention to record only the bad things that happen to me. It's just that--if only lately--my good moods (which I have been in for the last week or so, up until about last night's band concert) don't give me anything specific to write about, while my bad moods, usually caused by outside forces, make me want to complain.

I have to go to college after this year. My mother told me to fill out this scholarship application on the UMSL website. Because I don't actually know anything about the real world (and all this FAFSA shite), she's mostly been handling my application information, which annoys her. I'd been putting this one off, and apparently it's past due; that aside, the website isn't working with my account for some reason.

My mother says I'll have to try it again tomorrow, which will probably end up with her taking the computer from me and getting progressively more annoyed until she starts yelling at me for not taking responsibility for my future etc.

Look, I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. It's damn hard to navigate around the stupid UMSL site in the first place.

Part of the reason I put this off for so long was because I was busy raising my failing grade in Calculus back up to a D. Most of the rest of the reason is because I am so completely burnt out on everything. I don't want to do anything--I don't even want to do nothing, because that's still something--I just want to collapse into a coma and not wake up until my life has somehow arranged itself, on its own, into the kind of day-in-day-out stability you don't really get until middle age. Y'know, the kind where you can take a few vacation days and give yourself a five-day weekend of complete isolation. Most of which I would spend sleeping. Are we seeing a pattern with this sleeping thing? 'Cause yeah, sleeping has sounded nice lately. I'd go off and sleep right now if it weren't for the fact that the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner another day of school will get here. With Calculus first hour.

I assume the scholarship stuff and failing math grades will eventually work out all right. What I'm concerned about right now is that part of my mother's "you have to take responsibility" thing is that she's considering setting me up in a dorm at school. Which was actually my own idea, and something that I suggested several months ago. But my thoughts then were that I could alternate between living at school and in her basement, depending on A) current misanthropy, B) whether I felt like driving from one to the other, C) the internet I have at whichever place, and D) how lonely my cat was getting.

Now--and maybe it's just today, and things will be different in the future--I could really go for, um, having my own place which is my own, not like a shared room or public library or something, where I can wind down. 'Cause right now I'm in this trailer that we've had for four years, that I picked out because it's decorated in pretty greens, on my computer, in the living room, alone, and unwinding is still proving rather difficult. God knows how strung out I'd get with a roommate.

EDIT: Might I add that I might not end up getting to go to the only party I've been invited to in the last half a year, with the only people I'd actually like to attend a party with, because my mother signed me up to go see the college or something like that on that day. After I've been telling her for weeks that I don't, y'know, want to do that. I mean, what, am I going to change my mind and apply to another college at the last minute? She says it's so that I can start getting acquainted with how the college is set up. I said that one day's headstart doesn't seem like it'd be all that significant. To which she replies that she doesn't want to argue, which is what she says when she wants to end an argument on her own terms.

I will run away and live in the woods.

Several days ago I realized I hadn't been having dreams in quite a long time--more than a week, at least. I came to the conclusion that this really sucked, and that I wanted dreams again.

This may have been a bad thing to wish for.

See, I like dreams because when I haven't written anything in a while, my subconscious can go off while I'm sleeping and make some plots. That's... the usual result. Nice little stories waiting for me when I wake up. What I didn't account for is that if you occasionally have "holy shit my mind is all fogged and I feel like I'm trapped in a dream" episodes, actually suddenly finding yourself in a dream, unable to wake up, may... cause anxiety.

So I started having dreams again, basically the very night I realized I hadn't been having any, and because of this anxiety, the dreams quickly became, ah, somewhat threatening in nature. However, I can manipulate them to make them better in some small degree, because--well, when I dream I often seem to think I'm in the Matrix. In other words, it may be important, but it's not real. It's a different world, one where I have more power.

For example.

The first dream was only sort of disconcerting--I was at an inn with a suggestive name, and there were ants and dead snakes. (In this case I more or less decided that I was not going to have dead snakes in my dream and wished them out of existance.) The second was distressing, because I was acting as a spy and while I had manipulated things in a few instances to allow myself to escape from situations where I was physically trapped, I was still overall trapped emotionally and also by my own mission, and things were starting to get... difficult. The third dream involved zombies and hand grenades and when death eventually seemed imminent I more or less decided fuck no and dragged the dream back to a point where I could make different decisions and hopefully achieve a different outcome.

After three nights of rather stressful dreams I was beginning to grow ambivalent about whether or not I wanted to go back to dreamless sleep again. Then, last night, I had ( this one. )

LiveJournal posts made in the month of--

MAY: 10
JUNE: 9
JULY: 7
AUGUST: 5
SEPTEMBER: 1
OCTOBER: 2
NOVEMBER: 0
DECEMBER: 2
JANUARY: 0 1


...So I may have fallen down on updates somewhat.

Fortunately, there is a snow day today, so I have more than enough free time to get so bored that I finally make an update.

We're having another snow day tomorrow, too. We were supposed to get about an inch of teeny ice pellets and then six inches of snow. We've got about six inches of teeny ice pellets. It's pretty awesome, I'd go make an igloo or something if I were at all inspired in that direction.

Instead I've been like reading webcomics and also I played the Wii for an hour or so. I finally got around to finishing off the Mii version of Team The Novel. The guys took a while to do, but I think I succeeded in the end. The biggest challenge with the first was getting that proper expression of smirking "What, me?" douchebaggery on his face. The biggest challenge with the second was keeping him from looking like Ellen DeGeneres. Thankfully I figured it out eventually, even though his hair is still yellow and, uh, chosen from the selection of chick styles. Sorry, Theo. If it's any consolation, you look ~angelic~.


We took another Biblical Allusions Research Test (tm) in English class yesterday. I more or less aced it, except one bonus question which I didn't know--the origin of the phrase "head on a platter". Apparently the origin is that King Herod's daughter wanted one of the Biblical Johns' head. On a platter. I, not knowing this answer but guessing that King Herod was a head-on-a-platter sort of a guy, nearly got this one right:

"After King Herod killed tons of babies in his Massacre of the Innocents, no one wanted to let all the baby corpses go to waste, so Herod invented the new meal of baby-on-a-platter. The soft baby head became an especial delicacy. This dish was still in fashion a few decades later when Jesus was preaching, but since Jesus had bigger problems to worry about at the time, Simon-not-called-Peter and James the Lesser (tired of being in the shadow of their similarly-named counterparts) set out to ban the dish. It took them two weeks, and when they came back none of the other apostles noticed they had gone."

We're also doing another one of those skit things soon. The first one was Oedipus Rex in the style of Scooby Doo, the second was Antigone in the style of sock puppets and also a soap opera whynot, and the third is going to be Hamlet, in the style of Pokemon. I haven't written the script yet, but oh, so many ideas...

I am going to be Ophelia, of course, since that is the part that I read aloud in class. (Read badly, mind you. I need to start reading guys' parts or something, I really can't do the whole crazy over-emotional chick thing. For one thing, the extent of my voice acting tends to consist of pitching my voice up a few keys so I sound like a proper chick, and for another thing, I have no idea how to do extraverted crazy. Crazy for me is staring into space, dead silent, twitching gently, listening to reality begin to fray at the edges, with shapeless things flashing over the backs of my eyelids every time I blink and stabbing at my retinas with little pins made of half-forgotten nightmares.)

...Though actually it's 'cause I have to be Misty (I've got the red hair and ability to broadcast a temper), and Misty has to be Ophelia, 'cause that's the way the script outline ended up working out. Also, Hamlet is Brock. And Ash is Hamlet's mother the Queen, married to a usurping Hitmonchan. Yeah, I know. But Joey wanted to be a Hitmonchan, and I figured, what the hell, it's not like it's gonna make any less sense.


( And here is a story about something that happened a few weeks ago. )


Also, I have orange/tangerine chapstick and it is fantastic, although it's starting to make me want one of those push-up creamy orange popsicle things. I don't know why that and not, say, oranges or orange juice, which I have in abundance. If I have enough self-control I will not end up eating the chapstick which tastes oh my god exactly like a push-pop. But with just a hint of wax.

So it was toga day at school last Thursday. Well, "time traveller day". But the seniors were all honor-bound to wear togas, if anything. Because I am easily influenced by peer pressure, and because I couldn't find my black goggles, I gave up my long-harbored "zeppelin pilot from England's dystopian future" plan and ( wore a toga. )

...Well, uh, September's over. I think someone forgot to wake me up. Accusingly state person's name in italics.

I've been philosophizing way too fucking much today and oh dear god it needs to stop. I just want to read OotS or something, not contemplate the nature of the universe. But nothing I've checked has updated today SO HERE WE GO.

It started in fifth hour gym. We're supposed to be doing archery but haven't got the equipment in yet. So we stay in the gym, with the option to play volleyball, or basketball... or walk around the gym, if we so choose. I am the only one who so chooses. It gives me a lot of time to think.

( tl;dr philsophy shite )

This morning I had a dream apparently specifically designed to use no memories from after junior high school. I must have been sleeping really deeply, since the dream wasn't lucid at all (and it just had a different feel to it than the lighter dreams) and I could hardly even open my eyes when the alarm clock went off.

I was living back in my apartment, picking out clothes from a dark laundry room with two guys talking about something in the other room. I chose a Worlds of Fun shirt that I think I got rid of in like seventh grade and honestly could not have remembered if the dream hadn't yanked it out of somewhere deep in my subconscious. I can hardly even remember it now that I remember it, but... I remember what I remembered about it in the dream, and a little bit more. I think that may be a point for the "you really do remember everything that you experience, you just can't access it" idea.

Shortly after that I looked toward the bathroom and was confused because I couldn't think of the last time I'd used the shower, but surely I shower every day, right? Or every other day, maybe? I don't know, have I hit puberty yet? This was confusing, whatever, I went to school.

From the junior high locker room I went with the gym class out into a field where some adult landed a helicopter to talk to the teacher while the rest of us fished from a pond. Until I looked around, wondered what the fuck I was doing, and decided to steal the damn helicopter and get the hell out of there.

Some girl came with me. We left the school grounds and flew away for a while until we found a celebrity's magically-suspended sky-castle, which shot missles at us until we left it alone. Meanwhile I was still learning how to use the helicopter's controls. I got the hang of it eventually, though--joystick on the right tilts it forward and backward, pad on the left turns it side to side.

I woke up really confused about what my age was, where I lived, and who I knew.

So yesterday was Thursday, and we had a workout day in gym, outside, on a field make of fake grass with heat-radiating rubbery tire chips thrown in between to give the ground a kind of bounce. I spent roughly half the class with my hands on my knees, trying not to throw up. Then I was like ten minutes late for lunch because I was sitting in the back of the locker room trying to cool down, which... didn't work, so I finally changed and went off to lunch and sat with my head down for a while, not eating.

My face was still red and sweatdamp by Gate sixth hour, when I patted it down with a tissue (foundation: gone), braided my hair, and fanned myself with a folder until I went back to normal. Then, hair in braided pigtails, I did some tech work on the room's computers while solving word puzzles our teacher was throwing out to the three of us in class.

Then seventh hour I went to AP Lit where the teacher gave us cookies and an essay that I totally rocked, finishing two minutes before the final bell. I achieved an excellent ratio of best-work/least-effort, the former being "I'm awesome" and latter being "worked hard, still fun".

I went home on the bus (like the non-driving dork of a senior I am) listening to indie music on my iPod, walked home with the Mariner's Revenge playing, watched TV for a while, and then went to bed and had a dream where I got a cuddly alligator as a pet. I heard an IM ding on my computer while I was playing with who I will now call "Snappy", and as I went to check my messages I wondered how I would tell Scarlet without having her think me a lying liar who lies. Then I read the IM, in which she was like, "So I've come to the conclusion that when the other two were abducted in the second book, Rhys and Olive got into a bunch of UST-fueled mishaps," and I was like, "Neat," and she said, "I am writing a fic," and I said "Oh. I wonder how I should break the news about the alligator." I had some more dreams about, um, I forget, but I had to save the world or something and there were armies marching through a forest and a precariously-balanced giant set of locker-esque cubicles that I didn't want to get under in case it finally fell. And then I woke up. Ten hours later. To a four-day weekend!

Yesterday's rating: B


Since not much will be happening on this day, I probably will not bother rating it, but if I was, the fact that Hard-Fi's Seven Nation Army just came on would probably +3%.

Jade's inner monologue: A story over several quiet points during the afternoon.

"Whoa. I can hear my pulse in the ear that was hurting with the pain of possible infection the other day. I hope it doesn't start again."

"...Huh. Pulse is still there. Tump, tump, tump, tump... hee, that's kinda cool."

"Is that still going? Okay, that could get kind of annoying..."

"Wow. Still. And I have no energy to move to somewhere with more noise, so."
"..."
"Thank god that's not louder. I'd probably be insane by now."
"Heh! Hey, English major self: that remind you of anything?"
"Hmm?"
"Y'know--homicidal maniac driven insane by constant beat?"
"...OMG I AM BECOME THE MASTER LOLZ"
"..."


(ProTip: That last ellipses may be adequately represented with a :| face.)

(If this entry seems a bit whacked-out, it's probably 'cause I'm running a fever. Also I have a cold. I can't decide whether I should be starving or feeding myself.)

I figured it would be a good idea to wait until the end of the school week to describe the beginning of the new school year. First day's always sort of boring, and plus I had a different schedule then.

( school stuff )


Oh yeah, and here's a dream I had like a week ago.

( dream log, or dlog )

Today I am finally home alone as I have not been for days so I am listening to Yahoo!Music, singing along when I know the words, and occasionally squealing over the one manga I actually read. Except I just finished the last volume I have, dammit.

Now I must decide whether or not to seek out bad translations online, or if I should just wait for the next time I can get to a bookstore and buy the next four or five books.

...I will probably go with the bad translations. But in the meantime, I am writing out a dream I had a few nights ago!


So I was stuck in the past, in the position of a noblelady who'd been sent off to some sort of finishing school. It played out exactly like those historical chicklit books where Noblelady X spearheads the feminist revolution because she is the only one who can comprehend that women should get equal rights. Except she's not really spearheading any revolutions because she always ends up settling down with Understanding Rogue Y, who has a likewise anachronistic outlook on society.

...Since I was a time traveller this sort of thing didn't happen to me. I think I liked the guy I was time travelling with, but he was MIA for most of the dream. Hence, stuck in the past. Dealing with matrons who would, metaphorically speaking, whack me with rulers for showing my ankles.

Possibly literally speaking as well but I don't remember exactly the things I did to draw their ire. Or if their ire involved rulers. But it seems like it should have.

I had to sleep in the same bed as two of the other girls, so I felt like I was really intruding. Asking them what I was meant to be doing all the time was one thing, but stealing a third of the bed they'd each had half of before was another. (Apparently the fact that I require 80% of any given bed makes my mind think that everyone is like this, or something.) I was pretty constantly worried they'd hate me.

Of course, once I showed them my GameBoy I stopped worrying. No one seemed to think that a GameBoy in this era was weird, for some reason, but they did think it was awesome. We took turns playing it long into the night. Until the goddamned head matron took it away.

Later, I don't know what I was doing--sitting in the dorm room, or just in a room I was meant to be cleaning--but I was alone and in the dark, staring idly out the window, so I had a peaceful moment to think, for a change. I spent a while wondering when the other time traveller would show up with the time machine so I could get the hell out of here. And then I sank into a blissful reverie, imagining how I'd deliver my goodbyes to the matrons.

I eventually decided that I'd be wearing my normal (indecent for this time period) T-shirt and jeans, and as we sped away I would gleefully yell "SUCK IT BITCHES" and flash my bra. I... I don't even know, man. Dream!me, she's crazy. Her bra was red, too, which I think says a lot. Like a normal person, I, real!me, only have white and black... and pink... ahem.

But anyway, I was thinking of that pretty vividly (and happily) so my mind must have got confused as to whether it was a dream or, if you will, a dream within a dream, and things got hazy. Can't remember anything else.


I've been dreaming a lot lately. I, uh, think I may be on a 26 hour sleep schedule. I reaaaally hope I'm not. Nocturnalism I can deal with, but if I let myself sleep into a longer day than normal it is gonna be hell to fix before school starts.

Currently I'm waking up around dawn and going to bed in the evening, usually before the sun even starts to set. I really miss the night. By which I mean that I really fucking hate school. It means other things too, but hating school is the most important right now because so many things mean that right now.


Hmm. Badly translated manga time?

EDIT: Heh. Y'know how after you play Tetris for a while, you close your eyes and see falling shapes locking together? Well, I'm seeing bishounen. Maaaybe I should take a short break.

After having seen Vampire!Groper!Jesus in various incarnations throughout the internet and noticing nothing other than the obvious joke, this thread cracks me up pretty hardcore.


In unrelated news, here and now I declare that I can never again read a fanfic unless I've got some sort of Scarletoid partner to test the waters for me first. And this is why:

JADE: Oh, hello highly-recommended fanfic from a fandom I enjoy!
FIC: Hello, Jade! I have absolutely delightful characterization and prose and you should spend the next several hours reading me.
JADE: Thank you, I will do just that!
CHARACTERIZATION: *is delightful*
PROSE: *is delightful*
SLASHY SUBTEXT: *is suspicious*
JADE: ...
SLASHY SUBTEXT: *grows massively huge in quality and volume*
JADE: That... could just be platonic.
THE CLOTHES: *come off*
JADE: ...

And then I went through the stages of grief backwards.

ACCEPTANCE!JADE: Oh. Okay. Although I was hoping the subtext would stay subtext the fic is still very well-written.
DEPRESSION!JADE: ...SIGH :(
BARGAINING!JADE: Maybe if I keep reading, there... won't be any more?
ANGER!JADE: Dammit, internet!
DENIAL!JADE: ...I have read no fics today.

And then I reached the logical conclusion.

JADE: I wonder if Scarlet would like to read this fic that I have not read.



ETA: Never mind, internet, ilu 4eva.

'Kay, this is amazing. It is FANTASTICAL. No one I know will fully understand it or get the full hilarity of it, but dear god, so much win.

In other awesome-things news, there is a song that comes on AOL Music (my default provider when Yahoo!Music's been used up for the month) that I have heard twice. The first time I was awed and blah blah blah pretty much just refer to the last entry, except with different emotions.

It's sort of a really pretty, really creepy song about a guy who has explored this girl's entire psyche with the intent of Fixing Her, in the best co-dependently romantic traditions, and now he seems to be using this "Haven't I been the most strong, understanding, caring, and basically perfect man you've ever met?" thing to coerce her into something. Like maybe further levels of co-dependency, although "shouldn't you wake to my dawn?" might be more literal than metaphor.

Also: usually I keep commercials muted, but there's a beer commercial that I'll un-mute just because I love the background music. The two songs I've just mentioned don't sound anything alike, and I love the first much more than the second, so these would be two completely unrelated thoughts if both songs weren't by the same guy.

I'm still convinced there's been some kind of mistake, actually.

All right, here's the backstory, over-dramafied for your narrative convenience and also because there's probably no way I can un-cheesify "and I sat on my bed, shocked and amazed at the beautiful music".

One morning, I think it was a few years ago, I woke up to my alarm clock, like every school day, but unlike every school day I didn't turn it off immediately. It was on an oldies station, and not only did I recognize the song, but I actually felt like listening to it. Surprising. Usually music and/or overly fast movement in the morning'll make me sick. Maybe I'd got a good amount of sleep that night or something.

That song was nearly over, and when it ended I left the radio going in the background while I did other things. Too busy to turn it off right away, y'know. And this song started playing that was decidedly not oldies. It was sorta... jazz, maybe a bit indie, low-key and mournful. Before the lyrics even started in I'd already stopped what I was doing to go back and sit on my bed, listening. (And yes, even at the time I was aware that it probably looked really silly for me to drop everything and be suddenly overtaken by The Power of Music!, but I didn't really care because it was that kind of song, y'know?)

The lyrics are definitely my favorite part now, but, yeah, the music itself was damn good too.

So it ended, and it turns out the station had just played the song because the artist was a local and they wanted to help promote her. Okay, then.

I basically spent the rest of my day with that song in my head, and so in a calm and quiet mood. Most songs I just know the melody and maybe the chorus and a few lines here and there, but this one, the lyrics really stuck with me--a point which I'm getting to.

That afternoon I googled it and filled in some holes with the lyrics, and noted that the artist had her own website, where I may have re-listened to a sample of the song--so I think, overall, I've heard that song several times in the past few years. Every so often it would get in my head, and I'd google the lyrics, and there was one website that had them featured, and I'd find the artist's name and go get myself another brief sample listen to reacquaint myself with the exact style.

(Side-note: Songs have a tendency to decay in my head if I sing them more than I listen to them, especially if I never listened to them that much in the first place. For example, several Spice Girls and Savage Garden songs from my youth, all the lyrics and melodies and harmonica solos are taking up valuable room in my head. Songs I only heard a few times, but sing often? They might get warped around a bit.)

So, yeah. Got the song in my head tonight, but, as you may suspect from the fact that I'm rambling about it now, and also the fact that this entry's subject is "for fuck's sake", the lyric website is gone or at least I can't find it, and I'm stumped.

I figure I should piece those lyrics that I remember together now so that I don't slowly forget them in the future. No guarantees of accuracy. Lyrics may be swapped, some "can"s may be "can't"s and that sort of thing. Restrictions may apply, results may vary.

And, uh, I'm leaving this un-cut because at least something will appear on Google if I search for the lyrics in the future. And who knows, maybe some other early riser from this area is being driven equally mad.


Every time I see you lookin' blue I feel like cryin'
It's an autumn-painted sky I'm holding to
Every time I see you start to fall my heart goes flyin'
There's a caution deep beneath the yellow moon

Every time I see the falling leaves I start to feel like I used to
Back when late October fate was feeling right
Every time a streetlight flashes by my car I see you
It's not too late to get it straight, to get it right

Oh, if my heart should break, I can blame the season
It's a chance I'll have to take
I put all my fortune, I put all my love at stake
For a holiday

Everywhere I go it seems to me you're right there with me...


...aaaand that's all I got. Dammit, coulda swore I had more than that. Bridge and chorus might be the same, but there are at least three more lines after that last one. The second rhyme might end with "looking for"...

Aww, shit, this'll turn me insane.


EDIT: "Every place I go it seems to me I might have been to", maybe?
EDIT x2: Oh man, but how glad am I that this other oft-sung, rarely-listened-to song from around that time is still functional and on my favorites list, huh? I was just singing "Song Without Words" (aka "I'll Love My Love") like half a month ago (don't ask me how I know so accurately) and now, here it is, turns out that unlike half the other links under "Music" this one's still working. (Also don't ask me how I can sing a song without words.)